Ventilation Part I

I don't know about you, but I believe that everyone should have their own personal space and time for themselves every once in a while. It's understandable that some people dislike being alone because they get bored and stuff --I mean, I get lonely too but wanting someone there all the time is just too much, man. Maybe I'm being too narrow minded, but that is how I feel.

A couple of weeks ago, I kind of blew up at someone. OK, maybe not kind of, I definitely did blow up. I felt bad for not being able to stop it from happening, but I also felt like I was being suffocated. It was inevitable I guess. Everything is alright now I think (?). Still a bit confused, but everything seems to be ok. With school, Kappa, and every other little thing going on in my life, I realize that I don't have any time for doing me or setting aside time for my own family and close family friends. They're not always going to be there and I feel really guilty and really bad that I don't make time to go visit them every now and then or etc. Then again, I should focus on myself because that's all I really have in the end. I'm digressing (relative, but still).

"It is what it is." This phrase was overused a lot by a certain teacher of mine back then. I feel like this is an appropriate time to be using it though to express my "argument" or whatever it was. Acceptance. Sometimes, there will be things in life that you don't agree with and that you can't change (for instance, changing a characteristic of another individual especially if they're head strong and stubborn. That is who they are. Who are you to force your belief/ways on them?). You just have to deal with it. Just deal, man. The world will still continue to go 'round. Accept and move on. It's the best way to save your time and energy. I don't think that another person should have so much impact on you over a very small, obscure matter that it's life draining to you. Especially if it's over something like not spending a lot time with them when you're just friends. That is too much. We should have more important priorities in mind rather than worrying about foolish and childish problems like that.

Everyone should try to be considerate of one another and agree to disagree. Negotiation and sacrifice are good solutions for problems like these, no?

I hope I made sense.

Life in the City Part 1

I've spent my life in 3 major cities: Shanghai, New York, and now Boston.

In order to survive in any city, you must learn the ways of a City Girl. When I was 3, I was told to bite, then run away from strangers who approach me. I traveled from Shanghai to New York by myself when I was 12. By the time I was 14, I knew how to navigated my way through the subway stations. I had my first kiss at age 16. I am always alert of pickpockets from the corners of my eyes. I love the way the night shines not just from the moon, but from the bright lights of the skyscrapers. I believe jaywalking is the easiest way to cross the street. I take advantage of the fact that no matter how late it is, you can always find a place to eat. As you can see, the city has taught me well. But besides survival skills, the city has provided opportunities to witness some unique...things.

Thing #1: I think the best part of living in the city is the people watching. It's unbelievable how many crazy people there are in this world, and the unthinkable things they will do. The notorious Naked Cowboy in Time Square is probably the best example, strumming away on his guitar in his underwear in the middle of December. (I hear he's running for president now!) Or maybe the mirror lady on Westland Ave., who stares at a mirror nonstop, even when she's crossing the street. Even those mexicans that dogwhistle at any female creature that walks by. It makes me wonder, what are they thinking? Is the Naked Cowboy torturing himself in the cold because he's going through financial issues, or he just likes to show off his buttcheeks? Is the mirror lady self conscious about how she looks to everyone else, or just so arrogant that she can't stop looking at herself? Do mexicans amuse themselves by hitting on teenagers and old ladies alike, or do they think there's a higher chance of catching a fish if they put more bait on the hook?

If you have 10 minutes to spare, sit in a window seat in a cafe shop on a busy intersection, and just watch the people that walk by. Where are they going? Where did they come from? What are they thinking? Of course, you'll never get the real answer out of them. Just let your imagination fill in the blanks. When you live in a fast pace city, sometimes, focusing on other people's lives is the only way you can escape your own, if only for a few minutes.
Part 2 coming soon!

Heart vs. Brain

I'm not crazy. I just believe that there has always been two voices in my head. It's like the angel and the devil that sit on the shoulders of those cartoon characters on Saturday morning cartoons, always fighting with each other and telling you what to do. But being a science major, I like to think of my angel and my devil as my heart and my brain. The heart and the brain are a human's two most important body parts. But if you had to choose, would you rather be heartless, or headless?

My heart is probably the most stubborn organ you'll ever meet. Happiness, sorrow, love, anger, betral, hope, jealousy, relief, resentment, accomplishment. It feels everything. But it will never tell you why it's feeling this way, and there is no way you can make it change it's mind either. The only way to overcome such stubbornness is a remedy that only a few have. This miracle is called Self-Control. Sadly, I don't have any. That's why recently I've been giving in to my heart more than usual. My brain, my conscious, my common sense, is totally losing in every argument. "Do homework!" Nope, sorry, I'd rather play games on facebook. "Get over him already, he's so not the right guy for you." Nah, I still think he's cute. "Confront her!" Um, no maybe tomorrow. I mean come on brain! Don't give up on me just yet! I need you to make me more studious, more reliable, more organized, and definitely more punctual. So please fight for me!

This doesn't mean that I'm saying being heart-strong is a bad thing. Don't be a stoic! Without all those emotions, we would be ice, ice cold. Believe me, you don't want to be ice, ice cold (if you ever met my step mom, you would agree.) Emotions bring excitement to your daily life. When you see a cute boy on the first day of school, and your heart start pounding faster, thats exciting. When you know you would be scared of a scary movie, and yet you watch it anyways, that frightening feeling is exciting. When there's a big, red, shiny button that says "Do Not Touch" in big bold letter, and you can't help but touch it anyways, that's exciting. When you look back on your life, it's the events that make your heartbeat go crazy that actually have a real impact on you.

Poccahontas told us to listen with our heart. Einstein told us to reason with our brain. Who the hell are we supposed to listen to?

YouTube YourStory Weekend + Biggie's Birthday

先週の週末はいそがしかった。土曜日はNU Serviceがあったから、私は友だちたちとミシュンヒールのこうえんへ行った。天気はさむかった。みんなトレーナーを着た。そこにCommunity Serviceをしに行った。こうえんで雑草をとって、そうじした。午後二時にイベントは終わった。あとで、私は家におふろに入りにかえった。つぎに、Blackman Auditoriumに私のソロリテｲ（Kappa Phi Lambda、Inc.）のYouTube YourStoryイベントがあった。私はYouTube YourStoryイベントのきっぷ販売をてつだった。それから、午後九時にみんなでイベントを見た。おもしろかった。YouTube YourStoryのゲストはたのしかった(Ryan Higa, KevJumba, David Choi, Wong Fu Productions, and Dan and Victor of afterschoolspecial ちょ～～～かっこいい！！好きだ～とてもうれしいよ)。みんなはゲストといっしょにたくさんしゃしんを撮った。午前十二時に、イベントは終わった。私はとてもつかれていた。

今日（日曜日、十月十七日）は私のソロリテｲのお姉さんの誕生日があった。お姉さんの名前はみきだ。私はみきさんとあやかさんとキリールさんとChinatown に誕生日のひるごはんを食べに行った (Penang's/place near Eldo's)。お姉さんはとてもうれしかったから、みんなもうれしかった。今はみきさんは二十二さいだ。「お姉さん、お誕生日おめでとうございました！大好きだよ～がんばれね！」あとで私のへやでべんきょうして、しゅくだいをした。

私のちからはどこですか。～＿～；ちょつかれている。。。；＿；神さま、支持をおねがいします。この先週はたくさんしけんがありますね。。。こわい。ｖ＿ｖ；

また、あしたはKPLのDate Auctionがあった。FML。やっかいだ。

じゃね。

On a more serious note...

I realize (well, OK I was fully aware) that my last blog post was lackluster, unless you happen to be a Patriots fan too. Consequently, here is my sophomore attempt to blog about deep shit.

I've recently learned that feeling love and verbalizing it for real is incredibly difficult, at least for me. It took a couple weeks just to sort out the confusion in my body. Literally, I got so effed up in the head and heart and spaces in between, it actually started hurting at some point. To quote the Japanese drama I'm currently watching, "My Boss My Hero," it felt like a midget was beating my heart with a hammer and the beating got increasingly frequent and distracting. I guess that's when I realized I should probably accept my feelings (that I've gone soft -__-) and tell it like it is.

You'd think this is where it gets easier, but it actually took a rainy night, an empty park, and a shot or two of E&J to get the words out. When you're in a relationship and say it, but don't mean it, it's way too easy to say. Conversely, I think it's one of the worst feelings in the world to realize how you feel about someone after a relationship has ended. Feeling it, absorbing it, accepting it, and saying it during a relationship is an entirely different experience for me. I've learned that I'm an incorrigibly heart-driven person and the damn bloody organ doesn't get enough credit for all it's worth. Stoicism is not in my nature and it's only made me hard-headed and heavy-hearted (see what I did there?). The consequences, as told by brain, included changing the whole relationship, the other person walking off, or the other person saying something terribly unwarranted (I myself have responded to "I love you" with "...I have to go shower now"). But the winning argument, as told by heart, was that I must say it because time is unreliable and fortune is fickle. In plain english... what if something happened in the next 5 minutes and that person never knew how much they mean to you? That, folks, is a classic tragedy, reincarnated in plays, songs, and movies, and pulling at people's lives like puppets on E.

And there you have it, vicious cycle may it be, I am embracing every part of my relationship. I am foolishly and unabashedly banking on this one like a n00b because I've never let my heart go unsupervised by my brain. I'll try not to be so cynical and guarded to a fault as to neglect my feelings and maybe this time, fate will let me have someone to grow old with.

(I realize this post may be overly sentimental and optimistic but everyone should feel genuinely young at heart no matter how old they are, no?)

ahhhhhh

Craving Japanese food... Unagi don... fried oysters... :[

Or Khmer food... especially somlaw machu kreung ...gahhhhhh...

[edit] Nevermind I just had sushi.... but I still want my khmer food...." [/edit]

Good bye.

This Bus Has Wifi

Boys, boys, boys. Stereotypically, that seems like the only topic running around a girl's head. Well, I got news for you, not all girls are boy crazy! There are those who can't live without a boyfriend, and those who believe they don't need a boy to satisfy their lives. I guess you can say I'm right in the middle of that scale. I can clarify this with my bus theory.

So I explained my bus theory to Lili today. Basically, boys are like buses. I would never run for a bus, because there will always be a next bus. Why spend so much time and energy chasing after them when the next bus will come in just 5 minutes? This conversation soon turned into a debate. Lili argued that not all buses are the same. What if the one you miss had wifi, air conditioning, and tv connection? And now you're left with a rusty old school bus that smells like feet, with windows that don't open. You missed the good bus! I have to admit, I've never thought about it that way before. I always thought if something is meant to happen, it'll happen. If it's not meant to be, nothing you do can affect the outcome. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't want to be stuck on the smelly school bus. I would rather work hard to get on that wifi bus than to waste my time on the cheese bus. You have to take advantage of your opportunities while they still are there. Once they're gone, all you can do is regret. I think we all know how haunting regrets can be. So if there's a guy that you can't get off your mind, go for it! Work your magic. Do whatever you can to get on that wifi bus. Because the hard work will pay off.

You win Lili! Not all buses all the same. Thanks for teaching me a valuable lesson. I will start running for buses now!

Cheerio mate!

Forrest Gump Football!

I just read Fifi's post in a British accent and the whole mood of it changed... She's been forcing me to post all week even though I have nothing to say haha.


So... uhh...


THE PATS WON!! Game was funny, ran 50 yards for a touchdown with no one around lmao.


Ok that's all bye !!

Hello Blog.

始めまして。ﾘｱﾅです。はたちです。歌うのが大好きです。食べ物をりようりするのがすきです。ﾐﾐとﾌｨﾌｨもだいすきです。私のBloggingはへただと思います。だけでなく、私の日本語がとてもへたですよ。＝＿＝今何も日本語を言いません。むずかしい！

どうぞよろしくおねがいします。

いそがしいね～じゅうぶん時あらないよ。

[edit]

Got my renewed passport! FINALLY.

Took double the amount of time to get here.

Let's go somewhere...

[/edit]

おやすみ。

The Day We Were Born

It is raining.

What a gloomy way to start out this weekend. So instead of doing homework, we decided to start our own blog. Happy birthday to us! I haven't blogged in awhile, and I realized I still have writer's block when it comes to writing of any kind. I guess it's just something I will never improve in.

So recently, it occurred to me how much I disliked my clock. How does that little watch on your hand determine what you should be doing at this very moment? How are we so sure one second had just passed? If you didn't have a watch, wouldn't you believe me if I told you it is 2:37pm right now? It's pretty amazing stuff. I don't like the fact that I am constantly being controlled by my clock. What right does it have to tell me it is time to sleep, or scream at me in the morning to wake up for class. I feel trapped inside its mechanical wheels. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone on earth had the power to stop time for just one day? For just one day, everything around me would freeze. I would have the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I please. No need to consider the consequences before acting, no more judgmental eyes following your every move, no fear of what's about to happen next. How nice it would be to just escape for one day.

But then again, running away isn't the answer is it? I believe that there are two voices inside my head. The good guy who tells me what is the right thing to do, and the bad guy that tells me the easy way out of doing it. Of course, the bad guy seems to have a bigger influence on me. I tend to believe what he says, just because he has a louder voice. And he is always telling me to run away. Too much pressure? Escape it. Too many responsibilities? Avoid it. So I hide. I retreat into my shell, and I pretend nothing happened. My friends are always asking me, "hey where were you?" To which I reply, "oh nowhere, just around." Well, I'm sick of hiding. Hiding doesn't resolve anything.

Today is the birth of our blog, and a new beginning for me. I guess this is my epiphany moment. So bring it on world, I'm ready for you!