I was taught at a young age to be independent. You can only rely on yourself for your own happiness. I guess that's why trust has always been a big issue for me. I was never good at expressing my feelings. When you tell someone how you truly feel about them, you become vulnerable. It's like handing someone your heart on a plate, and he gets to cut it up any way he wishes. I was never brave enough for that. All the "what if's" scared me into hiding behind a wall. I don't trust anyone with my heart. The only way to save myself from the possibility of a painful heartbreak was to run away from any relationship before it became serious. Better to initiate the break up than to be broken up with right?
I never even thought of myself as the relationship type. I don't like the feeling of being tied down, restricted to only one person. Recently though, I've been rethinking that statement. In the past, I've never had a problem with running away from my ex's. But when you find someone that makes you stop caring about all the "what if's", how are you supposed to respond? I know what's going to end up happening: heartbreak and loneliness. But I find myself not caring anymore. I'd rather risk it all spending a few months in his arms. What happened to my sense of self defense? How did I get myself stuck in this situation?
There's no room for regrets in life. I'm letting my emotional side take over for now. Here's to a great summer.