Sunday, May 22, 2011


I was taught at a young age to be independent. You can only rely on yourself for your own happiness. I guess that's why trust has always been a big issue for me. I was never good at expressing my feelings. When you tell someone how you truly feel about them, you become vulnerable. It's like handing someone your heart on a plate, and he gets to cut it up any way he wishes. I was never brave enough for that. All the "what if's" scared me into hiding behind a wall. I don't trust anyone with my heart. The only way to save myself from the possibility of a painful heartbreak was to run away from any relationship before it became serious. Better to initiate the break up than to be broken up with right?

I never even thought of myself as the relationship type. I don't like the feeling of being tied down, restricted to only one person. Recently though, I've been rethinking that statement. In the past, I've never had a problem with running away from my ex's. But when you find someone that makes you stop caring about all the "what if's", how are you supposed to respond? I know what's going to end up happening: heartbreak and loneliness. But I find myself not caring anymore. I'd rather risk it all spending a few months in his arms. What happened to my sense of self defense? How did I get myself stuck in this situation?

There's no room for regrets in life. I'm letting my emotional side take over for now. Here's to a great summer.

Sunday, January 30, 2011


So recently, I've been watching dream wedding shows. Why? ...just because... I was in bed a lot ever since I got reallyyyy sick for approximately three days straight already. Sucks, I'm actually still sick now. Nyquil just isn't doing it man. I'm pretty sure I have a sinus infection... I'm like aching all over in my head and other sinus cavities... what's the right term...(?) OH AND NONSTOP PHLEGM PRODUCTION WTF!? --Yeah I know, GROSS, but anyway back to the wedding thing, one show was called "My Fair Wedding." I have to say that David Tutera is a hilarious gay dude. I totally want my own wedding planner. I'm not like Nina where I'd already know what exactly I want on my wedding day, from color scheme --to dress-- to center pieces and etc. c[: Fifi and I were talking about weddings --and children too I think (this was two nights ago). According to the ideal "plan," she said that I have "6 years left to get married and have a children [at a good age]. No pressure." NO PRESSURE? HAAAA. LOL ;A;

Where is my fancy bus?


They always say that when you least expect it, it'll happen. I never really expect anything though. When someone does show interest, they're never what I'm looking for. Unfortunately. :(